I was cast out in July of 2014. Ripped apart from my boys and exiled … to the Island of Lost Souls.
As an adoptee, I’d built up a lifelong immunity to feeling. I’d built up a fortress that repelled enemies, friends and lovers alike when they got too close.
My boys were the only human beings I let seep through the one crack in my fortress.
I’ve never given up trying to get them back in my life, but time is the enemy. My oldest just turned 19 and is off on his own to start becoming a man. She had her time; it’s my time now. He will come to me for advice. Sadly, by text for the time being. My youngest is 16 and still trapped with her. He is the hardest to reach now though just 2 1/2 years earlier, he and I were inseparable — the common foe, her. She has no idea what he’d been through — her and my oldest at loggerheads, filling the home with stomach-churning tension, thoughtlessly, ignorantly twisting his stomach into paralyzing knots. I’d been through that already as a teen. I knew that knot, the one that never really goes away, just hibernates until the shouting starts all over again, no matter what age. After casting me out, she decided to sacrifice him to a psychiatrist and lamely acquiesced to his advice to put him on antidepressants. I am shut out of decisions, pathetically advised of them after the fact. I have no voice. My only recourse — this blog.
Featured image: Dante in Exile, )
¹ Exile. (/ˈɛɡzaɪl; ˈɛksaɪl/)
Etymology: The word originated between 1250-1300; Middle English exil (meaning banishment) from the Latin ex(s)ilium (banished person).
Article 9 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that “No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.” Nice platitude … empty words.
The term is applied to individual situations, but also to groups (especially ethnic or national groups). Terms such as diaspora and refugee describe group exile, both voluntary and forced, sentenced to relocate. Funny that I should latch onto the Serbian diaspora and cast myself into self-imposed exile. See my post: Self-imposed Exile aka. Marrying a Serb.