Why writers should own ferrets

Ferrets, a.k.a., weasels, a.k.a., polecats

Vile, vicious, but for some insane reason, becoming introduced as domestic pets to an unwitting populace seeking novelty.

From Dickens to …, some of history’s most notable writer rise early, write until exhausted by noon. If this sounds like you — get a pair of ferrets as pets.

I recently rented a room in a two bedroom apartment with a young couple headed for the gallows marriage. In that tiny unkempt apartment was a veritable menagerie.

It’s 3:30am. The boa is quiet, the mini-pig simply cooing in his cedar bed, but in the living room on the other side of my wall, the all-out assault on life, limb and property begins. These bloody things (One and Two) don’t let up until they’ve exhausted themselves just before 7am. These burrowing bastards are trying to dig a  hole through the wall to get at me. They’re trying to scratch and claw their way through the wooden door. I don’t dare go to the bathroom for fear of one of them bolting through the crack in the door. Once inside, they’d be all over my bed, into the sheets, the closet — I must prevent this at all costs. I am a hostage in this room during the witching hour — and paying $500/mo for the privilege. Once they’ve awoken me, Thing One and Thing Two mix up their antics and so begins the banging, scratching, crashing, smashing glasses, ripping open leftovers, and the general rustling noises of war.

A writer should wake up at 4:30 or 5am and start writing. I can guarantee you won’t need an alarm clock with these bastards in the house.


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